An Almost Actual Phone Conversation

Today I learned that it can be very, very hard to track down a semi-retired mathematician with a bad back. One does not expect this--they aren't known for their mobility.

In the pursuit, I had the following phone conversation; names changed to protect the guilty (plus she didn't give me her name):

Dustin: *Dials Phone*
Secretary: "This is the Department of Biostatistics."
Dustin: "Um, yeah. I'm trying to get in touch with Dr. Suchandsuch."
Secretary: "Have you called him?"
Dustin: "Yes."
Secretary: "Did you dial his number, x5-5555?"
Dustin: "Yes."
Secretary: "Do you want me to transfer you to his number so you can leave a voicemail?"
Dustin: "I've already left one."
Secretary: "Can you hold while I call his assistant?"
Dustin: "Yes."

Five minutes later I learn that it was his day off.