Tuesday, April 19, 2005

How to Fight Terrorism

We should enroll the totality of the Middle East in graduate school. While this may not improve their dispositions, there is one advantage to this plan that is difficult to replicate in any other way. Graduate students, more than almost any other profession, are active and even enthusiastic participants in their own torture (where else can you find people who expend large amounts of time and effort selecting a group of people to give them oral exams?).

Later today, one of the grad students--who even happens to be Muslim!--is having a mock defense. We asked him, "So would you like for your so-called friends to attend for the purpose of mocking you and finding your every weak point?" And he said please.

If terrorists were grad students, they would calmly walk into the interrogator's office, report that they had been forced to redo their bath in hot oil because the thermometer was broken the first time, and then tell everything they know.

It's a foolproof plan!


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